The Fat Friend.

I can’t pinpoint the time in my life that I let myself go. I can remember when I figured it out though. Hubbs got a job transfer 5 hours away from home and the budget was tight. We ate what we could afford on his one income and it was hard for us to adjust. We were so used to two checks coming in a week. We ate a lot of spaghetti noodles and red sauce. No meat, no sides and water to drink. Lots of top ramen. We survived. It never felt like we were damaging ourselves. We were doing what we could with what we had.

I got a job at a day care making minimum wages. It was part time but no weekends so just what we needed. One day we took a field trip and someone took a picture. I couldn’t figure out who that girl was in the black capris. Then it hit me like a bomb going off in my heart. I was unrecognized to me. I was 50 pounds heavier then my wedding day.

Now to today… 1.4 pounds higher then I was then and 69 pounds higher then highschool. Two kids, still one tight income, and a lot more stress. Yesterday I went jogging with friends and they were impressed, inspired and I was heart broken. I love myself enough to make the changes I just don’t know how. I’m scrambling and barely losing weight. We ate better and our budget for food tripled.

I am done being the fat friend. I just want to be me.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Amy
    Aug 27, 2011 @ 22:49:19

    I hear you! We got married three years ago, got pregnant on our honeymoon with our son and now have a 4 month old daughter….and am 40 lbs heavier than the day I got married. When did I settle for this being ok? I need to be revived again and get back to the girl I was. I hate feeling so bad about myself and not wanting to be photographed with my kids. It’s awful. Just know you aren’t alone!

    Reply

  2. Mandy Ford
    Aug 28, 2011 @ 09:35:00

    I understand where you’re coming from! It’s so hard trying to juggle all the things we need to as wives and mothers. As I look over this past year, it was very much SURVIVAL. period. Nothing else really factored into the equation. I don’t know where you are, but if you’re anywhere in the west there is a website called dealstomeals.com that has helped me a TON with healthy eating on a budget. I have five kids so food can get out of control pretty fast, and this website has really helped me get the fresh stuff in an affordable way. She also gives you meals each week based on the sales. It’s been great for me. she has a blog with it too-dealstomeals.blogspot.com, that gives lots of tips and recipes for cooking on a budget. Granted, I’ve had to substitute things in several meals, but still. Hope this helps! Good luck!!!!!

    Reply

  3. Wendy
    Aug 28, 2011 @ 22:40:04

    Best of luck to you! I can’t remember where you live, but you may want to check out bountifulbaskets.com for fresh produce at a great price. Also, this time of year, people are pratically begging people to take their produce. Keep your ear to the ground.

    I really do understand “survival” mode. The great news is, you did it! You survived! It will get better.

    Reply

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